Save me!

Not all your suggestions will work, and on this page explains why.

If someone else can make it work, they will share credit with you.

Look closer: the lice is viewed

Look closer: the lice is viewed Regard de près: le poux est visible

Look closer: the vice is lewed {{contre_s_c|Regard de près: le vice est

That lovely punt was carefully kicked

Very good inspiration, but "punt" and "cunt" do not have the same sounds.

I love my pet wussy

Full suggestion: I love my pet wussy. RT if you read that wrong. Sorry but this one does not quite qualify, as this is simply a spoonerism with a made-up pet name. It would work if this was an existing, famous or ordinarily or frequently used,

Mick Wallace's balls are off the hook

"Balls" and "hole" do not actually match phonetically, so after checks were made, this can no longer be approved, we fear. But it can surely be salvaged, as this is a very good "topical" one!

In the bathroom, the floor glows

Technically this cannot be accepted as the switch of sound is "impure": the switch is between a "g" and "fl", giving a fusion of "fl" and "l"...

Jelly Bean > Billie Jean

Jelly Bean > Billie Jean Sorry but this one does not qualify, as the pronunciation of the vowels do no mqtch. dʒɛli bin > bɪli dʒin Can an,yone salvage this one? Maybe plqying with Jocks/Box dʒɑks, bɑks dʒin,

Bagots cannot fend for themselves without Bilbo

Bagots cannot fend for themselves without Bilbo. > Faggots cannot bend for themselves without dildo. Sorry but this one fails on all accounts, and if it is salvaged it will probably no longer relate to Lords of the Rings, which is a pity as

Pray! Be good.

Sorry but this one does not qualify, as the pronunciation of "good" and "prude" are not the same. Close, but different. gʊd. prud! Can anyone salvage this one?

McCain aims at the south with all his might

Again it may work as a spoonerism but not as a contrepeterie. It has all the ingredient for a good contrepet, but the result "all his sight" does not work as a meaningful sentence. And the "sight" has no impact: it is not rude or politically

Do you spank the wool, or wank the spool?

Another case of a spoonerism that does not qualify as a contrepèterie.
The pronunciation does not quite work. The phrases do not stand on their own, and they do not work together. And it does not mean anything really!

Let us raise our glasses to the dear old Queen

It is famous, it is funny, it is a successful spoonerism, but a failed contrepèterie: either most people will pronounce it "arses"; or if pronounced "asses" then the r is just dropped/fused, not switched.

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