The brits can be classy when at a wilde nag fight

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The brits can be classy when at a wilde nag fight Les Anglais peuvent avoir de la classe meme quand ils assistent à un combat de bourrains sauvages

The clits can be brassy when at a Wilde fag night Les clitoris peuvent etre ostentatoires à une nuit gaie au Wilde

Bagots cannot fend for themselves without Bilbo

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Bagots cannot fend for themselves without Bilbo.
> Faggots cannot bend for themselves without dildo.

Sorry but this one fails on all accounts, and if it is salvaged it will probably no longer relate to Lords of the Rings, which is a pity as it was such a congruent attempt!

First, Bilbo’s family name in English is Baggins.

Second, “Bilbo” to “dildo” is just unvoicing the “b”.

Suggestion to salvage it: work around a double-contrepeterie involving Bags > Fags and Fend > Bend, maybe something about fashion?