Bagots cannot fend for themselves without Bilbo.
> Faggots cannot bend for themselves without dildo.
Sorry but this one fails on all accounts, and if it is salvaged it will probably no longer relate to Lords of the Rings, which is a pity as it was such a congruent attempt!
First, Bilbo’s family name in English is Baggins.
Second, “Bilbo” to “dildo” is just unvoicing the “b”.
Suggestion to salvage it: work around a double-contrepeterie involving Bags > Fags and Fend > Bend, maybe something about fashion?